I was trying to think of a quirky title for this post, but what it really boils down to is simple: I'm lonely. And frustrated. I just keep trying to remind myself that starting next month, I have my own gas/trip budget. I can use it to go see my mom or friends, or take Liam into town for ice cream and a stroll. I just.... I feel unattractive. Not in a physical sense. I just remember the years when I had more friends than I had time for, more of a social life than any other aspect of my life. I feel like being a stay at home mommy of one, pregnant, budgeted to the dollar, and quirky is making me unapproachable. Add in some social anxiety... I should just adopt 25 cats and be done with it. Sigh.
I don't blame my marriage or motherhood for the lack of social contact. I blame me. Prior to having Liam, I had a job that kept me in contact with a ton of people. Mostly college students, but it was fun all the same. Since then, my friends have dwindled to the point that my last 'in real life' friend is moving across the country. I have been trying to make new friends here, and I've started becoming friends with one mother with a son close to Liam's age. But, she works like a normal person, and getting our schedules to match up won't be nearly as frequent as I would like. I'm becoming my mother... striking up conversations with people at the grocery store. Anything to get some adult interaction. I really need to find some like-minded mamas in my area. Which is not impossible, but does require more effort than I'm used to putting forth. And that's scary. Putting myself out there.
My hopes:
to meet people at the farm when we go to pick up our CSA
to be more outgoing and actually talk to people when we're out
to be overjoyed when the little man and I can have real conversations and he can tell me he wants to go have pizza or go for a walk or to the park
to rekindle the friendship I had with my husband
That last one is the big one. When we first got together, we really only hung out with each other. And we had a freakin blast, all the time. I miss that. We just need to adjust it to include the +1.5 kids. I miss the fun, and there's no reason we're not still there.
My other hope.... is to find a church I feel comfortable going to. I'm not a crazy uber Christian.. and I'm actually terrified of Jesus freaks. I believe, in God. I believe, in following the Bible as I interpret it- not how some pastor or priest interprets it. The most widely used bible version is a version that King James had specifically edited to fit his moral compass. To me, that doesn't make it bad- just not something to take as the all knowing word of God. It's a guide and storybook. A guide to help a person on their own personal path. I need a path.
Off topic like crrrrazy, lol. I need a sense of belonging. And where better to find that than with others looking for the same thing.
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
Frustration
I swear on my life lately, if this child isn't asleep, he's whining. Non effin stop. From the time he gets up until he goes to bed. He's not teething. he's eating well. Growing fine. Getting enough sleep. Getting enough love, cuddles, toys, outside time, visits to family, car rides and trips to places. Doesn't matter. Just whinewhinewhine. Toys are no fun- the garbage and hot stove are great fun. God forbid he can't slam his little angry fists on my keyboard. God forbid he is told no. If this is that phase known as 'terrible twos', then I have got my shaky hands full. I guess I just don't understand the issue.... if there even is one.
We try to make sure he actually doesn't need something. I run the gamut of options in the form of yes/no questions. Eat? Tired? Milk? Toy? Cuddle? Book? Bath? Anything I can possibly think of to make him happy... and nothing. Just more whining. It's definitely the most frustrating time we've had so far. Colic was a cake walk compared to this crap. It just seems like as long as can bang on my laptop, tear the pantry apart, fuck with the stove, and annoy the cat- he's happy. Outside of that? No.
I've had about enough of the morning sickness... particularly when he comes right when I'm ready to sit down and do some homework or go to bed. Coupled with the exhaustion, my house is groooosssss. I'm just too tired to deal. I'm actually going to ask the obstetrician about chronic fatigue syndrome or something because this tiredness is so far beyond what I had last time. I'm literally curled up on the couch fighting to stay awake 10 minutes after Seth has left for the day. And that lasts until I can finally crawl into bed. It's like I'm on this constant loop of not sleeping, even though I'm sleeping more than enough. I don't know... this pregnancy, while so beautiful, sucks. Big time.
I'm just frustrated today. Sigh....
We try to make sure he actually doesn't need something. I run the gamut of options in the form of yes/no questions. Eat? Tired? Milk? Toy? Cuddle? Book? Bath? Anything I can possibly think of to make him happy... and nothing. Just more whining. It's definitely the most frustrating time we've had so far. Colic was a cake walk compared to this crap. It just seems like as long as can bang on my laptop, tear the pantry apart, fuck with the stove, and annoy the cat- he's happy. Outside of that? No.
I've had about enough of the morning sickness... particularly when he comes right when I'm ready to sit down and do some homework or go to bed. Coupled with the exhaustion, my house is groooosssss. I'm just too tired to deal. I'm actually going to ask the obstetrician about chronic fatigue syndrome or something because this tiredness is so far beyond what I had last time. I'm literally curled up on the couch fighting to stay awake 10 minutes after Seth has left for the day. And that lasts until I can finally crawl into bed. It's like I'm on this constant loop of not sleeping, even though I'm sleeping more than enough. I don't know... this pregnancy, while so beautiful, sucks. Big time.
I'm just frustrated today. Sigh....
Sunday, May 20, 2012
Changes Around The Thrifty House
I was going to separate this post into a couple different ones, but I decided not to- because they all stem from the same goal: providing the best life possible for my child(ren). So, here's the changes we're undertaking.
1. Vehicle
We're sick of spending $6/day in gas alone for my husband's commute. We're sick of the frequent mileage based maintenance on our vehicle (oil change, tires, brakes). I'm sick of not being able to go to the doctor, visit my mother, grocery shop, etc. without a coordinated effort and squeezing my errands into the hours my husband works. So, he got a bus pass. Just a one month one to start. What will that one month pass save us? Here's what I figured: He'll work 16 days before the monthly pass expires, at which time we'll be buying a full year pass, and I'll show those figures too. I'm only including our fuel prices, and basing it on the $4/gallon the price of gas is currently hovering at. There are approximately 260 working days in a year.
Driving Bussing
$6/day $3.75/day w/monthly pass
$6/day $1.73/day w/yearly pass Savings of $4.27/day, or $1,110/year !
And that is only if he uses it specifically to commute to work. Each trip into town to the grocery store and back costs us about $5. We're planning on having him catch the bus into town on Saturdays to buy groceries. Why? Because his bus pass covers unlimited rides. If we take the car once a month, and he catch the bus on the opposite bi-weekly shopping day, we're saving another $65/year in fuel alone. If I get a per ride pass (15 rides or whatever), we can actually use the bus to go into town. I'm not sold on this idea because I know the amount of crap I have to cart around to begin with, and then we add a grumpy toddler to the mix. And waiting to catch a bus home.
2. Groceries
Speaking of food.... I have made the decision to increase our grocery budget by $100 monthly. Why? Because, basically, we eat like crap a lot. Having about $225/month for food for 2 adults and a growing toddler is just stretching tighter than I like. We're buying subpar foods in the name of frugality- and our nutrition and desire to eat the best foods are suffering. I am fine with buying the store brand items. In fact, our local chain (Wegmans) prides itself on having it's store brand be of better quality than the national brands. They utilize local products as much as possible, and keep everything they sell at a fair price. We'll also be buying food that has no chemical manipulation at all. If the bread has more than wheat, yeast, sugar, salt, butter, milk, and other ingredients I keep in my house in it, we don't want it. We want local, hearty, beautiful bread- made by the hands of the baker I was greeted by.
So, what are we doing, and why?
I am committing to only feeding my family local, organic produce. Local, grass-fed livestock. Locally produced dairy products. Free-range chicken and eggs- purchased from a farm where I can physically see the chickens and how they are cared for. I want to know where my food comes from, how it is made, the people who make it.
CSA: We're joining a CSA at a farm near us. Every Friday, the little one and I will go. One side of the barn, you fill up about the content size of a paper grocery sack with whatever you want. On the other side, take as much of whatever you want. And the fields are u-pick, take as much of anything you want. The cost is about $22/month. For ALL of the produce we can stuff ourselves with.
Out of season / non-local: To supplement and get things that may be out of season, or unable to grow locally (oranges, tropical fruits, bananas, and so on), we'll utilize Wegmans. Their organic produce is generally only prices 20-30 cents more than the non-organic stuff.
Garden: The landlord finally put our raised beds in. We'll be growing mainly salsa veggies: tomatoes, onions, cilantro, peppers, and so on. I'm also going to try out growing some peas and beans. We want things we can water bath can. I am considering doing pickle cukes instead of the peas and beans since freezer space here is so limited and you need a pressure canner for beans.
Meat/dairy: For the short term, we'll be buying our meat and dairy at the local grocery stores. They do pride themselves on carrying local products. When they reopen for 'normal' groceries, we'll be using a grocery delivery services that actually works specifically, and only, with local vendors of meat, veg, cheese, dairy, and so on. The cost? A $5 delivery fee! That is IT over the retail cost I'd pay by schlepping my fat, pregnant ass all over town to find this stuff. So I'm actually saving money on gas and stuff. Additionally, I'm tired of being a participant in factory farming. I DO believe meat is essential to my dietary needs. But that doesn't mean I can't make sure the animals I eat are respected and have great lives before they are sacrificed to feed me. We owe it to the food we eat to respect it, and the environment it is grown in.
So, CSA: $22. Supplemental produce: $30ish. Meat/dairy: $100-150. Pantry: $75-100.
Cooking: I'll be changing how I cook. We're going to be a 50/25/25 family. 50% veg, 25% protein, 25% dairy/starch. I want our dinner plates to hold our salads and our salad plates to hold our meat and other things. Now, that being said, I am AAAAALLLL for lasagna night. Burger night. Pizza once a month. I'm not going to deprive us of some of the things we're used to. BUT, my goal is to learn to cook the ingredients we have on hand, and make delicious meals, and change how we look at food. Food should be delicious, nutritious, sustainable... and damn it, I should know exactly what the ingredients are!
We decided that when we do decide to eat out, we'll go to the Marketplace @ Wegmans. It's actually more expensive than any other option. However, it is food from around the world, prepared beautifully by staff in store. We can have a slice of pizza and an egg roll if we want. Or try the vegetarian bar and then have some soup. Sub and salad? Sure! Sushi then fruit salad? Why not? Chinese and a burger? You betchya! Everything aside from pizza and subs is done by pound, and it's all priced the same. And we are happy to pay a little extra to support such a great business.
3. Pregnancy
Unknown to me, I have full blown diabetes. Apparently, having a baby, developing post partum depression, and eating nothing but candy and carbs for 16 months, will really eff up your system. Upon finding out, I've immediately cut the carbs and made better food choices. and guess what? My glucose numbers are well within normal range. So now, when I want to drown my sorrows in a Whopper from Burger King, I just need to throw the bun away. ;-)
Other than that, we're good. We have a Level 2 ultrasound in a few weeks, just to make sure everything is ok. We'll actually likely know the gender of the baby since the scan is so in depth. But we're not telling anyone until August.
So, that's it. I start classes again tomorrow...ugh!
1. Vehicle
We're sick of spending $6/day in gas alone for my husband's commute. We're sick of the frequent mileage based maintenance on our vehicle (oil change, tires, brakes). I'm sick of not being able to go to the doctor, visit my mother, grocery shop, etc. without a coordinated effort and squeezing my errands into the hours my husband works. So, he got a bus pass. Just a one month one to start. What will that one month pass save us? Here's what I figured: He'll work 16 days before the monthly pass expires, at which time we'll be buying a full year pass, and I'll show those figures too. I'm only including our fuel prices, and basing it on the $4/gallon the price of gas is currently hovering at. There are approximately 260 working days in a year.
Driving Bussing
$6/day $3.75/day w/monthly pass
$6/day $1.73/day w/yearly pass Savings of $4.27/day, or $1,110/year !
And that is only if he uses it specifically to commute to work. Each trip into town to the grocery store and back costs us about $5. We're planning on having him catch the bus into town on Saturdays to buy groceries. Why? Because his bus pass covers unlimited rides. If we take the car once a month, and he catch the bus on the opposite bi-weekly shopping day, we're saving another $65/year in fuel alone. If I get a per ride pass (15 rides or whatever), we can actually use the bus to go into town. I'm not sold on this idea because I know the amount of crap I have to cart around to begin with, and then we add a grumpy toddler to the mix. And waiting to catch a bus home.
2. Groceries
Speaking of food.... I have made the decision to increase our grocery budget by $100 monthly. Why? Because, basically, we eat like crap a lot. Having about $225/month for food for 2 adults and a growing toddler is just stretching tighter than I like. We're buying subpar foods in the name of frugality- and our nutrition and desire to eat the best foods are suffering. I am fine with buying the store brand items. In fact, our local chain (Wegmans) prides itself on having it's store brand be of better quality than the national brands. They utilize local products as much as possible, and keep everything they sell at a fair price. We'll also be buying food that has no chemical manipulation at all. If the bread has more than wheat, yeast, sugar, salt, butter, milk, and other ingredients I keep in my house in it, we don't want it. We want local, hearty, beautiful bread- made by the hands of the baker I was greeted by.
So, what are we doing, and why?
I am committing to only feeding my family local, organic produce. Local, grass-fed livestock. Locally produced dairy products. Free-range chicken and eggs- purchased from a farm where I can physically see the chickens and how they are cared for. I want to know where my food comes from, how it is made, the people who make it.
CSA: We're joining a CSA at a farm near us. Every Friday, the little one and I will go. One side of the barn, you fill up about the content size of a paper grocery sack with whatever you want. On the other side, take as much of whatever you want. And the fields are u-pick, take as much of anything you want. The cost is about $22/month. For ALL of the produce we can stuff ourselves with.
Out of season / non-local: To supplement and get things that may be out of season, or unable to grow locally (oranges, tropical fruits, bananas, and so on), we'll utilize Wegmans. Their organic produce is generally only prices 20-30 cents more than the non-organic stuff.
Garden: The landlord finally put our raised beds in. We'll be growing mainly salsa veggies: tomatoes, onions, cilantro, peppers, and so on. I'm also going to try out growing some peas and beans. We want things we can water bath can. I am considering doing pickle cukes instead of the peas and beans since freezer space here is so limited and you need a pressure canner for beans.
Meat/dairy: For the short term, we'll be buying our meat and dairy at the local grocery stores. They do pride themselves on carrying local products. When they reopen for 'normal' groceries, we'll be using a grocery delivery services that actually works specifically, and only, with local vendors of meat, veg, cheese, dairy, and so on. The cost? A $5 delivery fee! That is IT over the retail cost I'd pay by schlepping my fat, pregnant ass all over town to find this stuff. So I'm actually saving money on gas and stuff. Additionally, I'm tired of being a participant in factory farming. I DO believe meat is essential to my dietary needs. But that doesn't mean I can't make sure the animals I eat are respected and have great lives before they are sacrificed to feed me. We owe it to the food we eat to respect it, and the environment it is grown in.
So, CSA: $22. Supplemental produce: $30ish. Meat/dairy: $100-150. Pantry: $75-100.
Cooking: I'll be changing how I cook. We're going to be a 50/25/25 family. 50% veg, 25% protein, 25% dairy/starch. I want our dinner plates to hold our salads and our salad plates to hold our meat and other things. Now, that being said, I am AAAAALLLL for lasagna night. Burger night. Pizza once a month. I'm not going to deprive us of some of the things we're used to. BUT, my goal is to learn to cook the ingredients we have on hand, and make delicious meals, and change how we look at food. Food should be delicious, nutritious, sustainable... and damn it, I should know exactly what the ingredients are!
We decided that when we do decide to eat out, we'll go to the Marketplace @ Wegmans. It's actually more expensive than any other option. However, it is food from around the world, prepared beautifully by staff in store. We can have a slice of pizza and an egg roll if we want. Or try the vegetarian bar and then have some soup. Sub and salad? Sure! Sushi then fruit salad? Why not? Chinese and a burger? You betchya! Everything aside from pizza and subs is done by pound, and it's all priced the same. And we are happy to pay a little extra to support such a great business.
3. Pregnancy
Unknown to me, I have full blown diabetes. Apparently, having a baby, developing post partum depression, and eating nothing but candy and carbs for 16 months, will really eff up your system. Upon finding out, I've immediately cut the carbs and made better food choices. and guess what? My glucose numbers are well within normal range. So now, when I want to drown my sorrows in a Whopper from Burger King, I just need to throw the bun away. ;-)
Other than that, we're good. We have a Level 2 ultrasound in a few weeks, just to make sure everything is ok. We'll actually likely know the gender of the baby since the scan is so in depth. But we're not telling anyone until August.
So, that's it. I start classes again tomorrow...ugh!
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
Monday, May 14, 2012
Holdable 5 minute LC Skillet Pizza
I'll get photos added the next time I make this, I promise.
Ingredients:
2 eggs
1/3-1/2 c. plus 1/3c. shredded cheese (pizza blend)
pizza spices (I used a preblended shaker)
pizza sauce
toppings
1. Combine eggs with 1/3-1/2c. cheese. Add spices. I find a little pizza spice, garlic powder, and oregano to be wonderful.
2. Dump into preheated frying pan over medium heat. For this recipe, you really need a good nonstick pan. Feel free to spray with Pam or melt a little butter before hand. Cook this until the bottom is browned and the top is mostly set. Then, slip a wide flipper (spatula, pancake turner, whatever term you like) underneath and flip the whole thing over.
3. While the top is on the bottom cooking, top your pizza. Sauce, cheese, any toppings you want. Go light on the sauce or the final step will be a little difficult.
4. You can do this last step one of three ways. If your toppings are precooked, just put a lid or foil over the top until the cheese melts. This is a great place to use up cooked veggies, those last few pepperoni chips, what have you.
If you're like me, you like your cheese a little browned and your pepperonis crispy. Sooo, flip the entire pizza again- so your toppings are now on the bottom. Let sit for 2-3 minutes, then invert a plate over the pan and flip the entire thing back over.
The third option is to just cook the crust this way, then assemble the pizza on a cookie sheet and bake or broil until your toppings are how you want them.
I found this to be the most realistic taste and textured low carb pizza crust. You can slice it and actually pick the slices up. Fold 'em if you want- it holds. And it's so easy, requires mimimal dishes, and can be done fully in a skillet in about 5 minutes.
Ingredients:
2 eggs
1/3-1/2 c. plus 1/3c. shredded cheese (pizza blend)
pizza spices (I used a preblended shaker)
pizza sauce
toppings
1. Combine eggs with 1/3-1/2c. cheese. Add spices. I find a little pizza spice, garlic powder, and oregano to be wonderful.
2. Dump into preheated frying pan over medium heat. For this recipe, you really need a good nonstick pan. Feel free to spray with Pam or melt a little butter before hand. Cook this until the bottom is browned and the top is mostly set. Then, slip a wide flipper (spatula, pancake turner, whatever term you like) underneath and flip the whole thing over.
3. While the top is on the bottom cooking, top your pizza. Sauce, cheese, any toppings you want. Go light on the sauce or the final step will be a little difficult.
4. You can do this last step one of three ways. If your toppings are precooked, just put a lid or foil over the top until the cheese melts. This is a great place to use up cooked veggies, those last few pepperoni chips, what have you.
If you're like me, you like your cheese a little browned and your pepperonis crispy. Sooo, flip the entire pizza again- so your toppings are now on the bottom. Let sit for 2-3 minutes, then invert a plate over the pan and flip the entire thing back over.
The third option is to just cook the crust this way, then assemble the pizza on a cookie sheet and bake or broil until your toppings are how you want them.
I found this to be the most realistic taste and textured low carb pizza crust. You can slice it and actually pick the slices up. Fold 'em if you want- it holds. And it's so easy, requires mimimal dishes, and can be done fully in a skillet in about 5 minutes.
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