My mother in law texted me wishes for a happy birthday on my birthday. My own parents completely forgot... despite having seen them 2 days prior... Nothing from my siblings, friends... no one. It's occasions like that that cause me to feel so isolated and bitter. Maybe I'm bothered because I do make the calls and such on every one of their birthdays. I don't know... I really think I'll be stopping that from here on out. Why waste energy putting forth effort towards people who aren't inclined to reciprocate?
That's kind of what causes me to have no friends. At all. The only person I have to really talk to is my son. Im tired of people only calling when they need something. It's devastating knowing that I'm not worth the effort, or at least having it confirmed. I know I'm not worth shit to anyone except my child. Having that affirmed outside of my own head catches my breath sometimes. It hurts knowing that for the most part, I'm on my own. Someday my kids will find their own path outside of Mommy, and then I'll really be alone again. Seth and I can't seem to communicate outside of Liam's needs lately without ti turning into an argument of some sort. I wish we could just fix it.. I'm hormonal and insane, he's stubborn as hell.
I don't know. I'm just living a very lonely, heartbreaking existence right now.
Do not put your energy into those who cannot be bothered to return in kind. First and FOREMOST you must be WORTH something to YOURSELF. Do not let the fact that other people take advantage of you lead to you under-valuing yourself. You will find when you value yourself so will those who you interact with. A few years ago I had a very similar event. On my birthday no one even said Happy Birthday (other than my FB friends who had it come up as a reminder). I was devastated and upset. Especially 2 days later when everyone who didn't call me in my family called DH to wish him a Happy Birthday (we are 2 days apart). Then I realized I always down play my birthday. I focus on everyone else's and when people ask me what I want or want to do I tell them nothing. Which is true, I don't want to go out or get gifts, but I have learned to tell people I just want a card or a call from my friends and family and a quiet night in.
ReplyDeleteDon't let the B@$^@%!$ grind you down.
Thank you so much for the kind words, and you are so right. I let myself get affected by things that in the long wrong don't matter. I appreciate the insight. :-)
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