Oh baby...

You know, it is impossible to be grumpy when a little boy wakes you up with a song filled with gibberish that ends with "e-i-e-i-e-i-oooo", then puts a can of soup in Daddy's back pack so he has lunch. :-) Liam has only been throwing away his own diapers, grabbing a diaper and wipes when it's changing time. He's kind of using the potty. And my god, the words! Daddy, Mommy, yes, yeah, yep, no, kitty, cars, cheese, bubby, baby (while pointing at my belly), bobbyboo (belly button), boobies (we've had to define 'boobies' because he likes to use mine as handholds to climb up on the couch with me. Ow!)... and so many others. And he knows what everything is. It's amazing. I can tell him we can have the cheese that's in the fridge, and he runs to the fridge door hollering "cheeeese!". He's helping get himself dressed, though he is far better at stripping himself naked. His favorite activity is playing outside, but hopping in the bath tub is absolutely a close second. I just love watching him grow.

But, boy, am I feeling the baby itch! I can't wait to nurse a newborn and buy a mountain of cloth diapers. We're going with the Flip system this time. For a few reasons. Yes, they're more expensive. But, they are one size, so baby can wear them until they are potty trained, and Liam can even use them if he's not potty trained by then. You can get disposable inserts for them, which will make Seth happy, and be convenient if we're out or one of the babies is with Grandma for a bit. And, my grocery store sells inserts- both cloth and disposable. So God forbid the washer has an issue, we know we can get inserts real fast. And I've found that the Flip and GDiaper stuff has the highest resale value. Oh! And the Flip accomodates regular old prefolds, which are crazy cheap. I'm also going to make fleece liners, because we had the easiest time with those with Liam since they wicked away moisture. He would freak if he was the slightest bit damp, so we'll get more use out of them if they have the liner.

We got into the CSA I was hoping for and our first pick up at the farm is this Friday. Since the hours are 1-5pm, we'll go do that, then pick Daddy up from work. I can't wait for fresh veg and freshly picked salad greens. YUM! Other CSAs in the area do pick ups at that farm, so we're looking into a dairy one as well as a bread and pork one. but we'll see. The veggie one is cheap, which was our deciding factor. If the others ones are too pricey, we'll pass. I can get just as good, local products right at our grocery store.

We should know on the 11th what we're having. It's early for a Level 2 ultrasound, but with the diabetes, they are doing it early. But you know what? I've been controlling my glucose just fine without medical intervention, and I'm refusing the insulin. I've got this. :-) My morning numbers are a little bit high, but I am willing to start taking a Metformin at night to stop that. So, all is well with Baby Jacobs and I'll reveal the gender once we know.

So. Baby Gear.

What are we buying for new baby? Not much. We bought soooo much crap last time that did not get used. Like the swing we paid $100 for in a moment of "omgwillthischildeverstopcrying" and then he hated.. and we waited too long to return.. and ended up giving it away. My sister got the exact same one... and her kid hates it too. Our list this time is so short.

We're going with this bassinet. It is awesome! It is a bassinet, bedside sleeper, in-house carrier, and changing station, all-in-one, and has storage. It also has vibration, sounds, and a built in nightlight. Our plan while I'm healing is for me to sleep in the recliner at night. Easier to nurse, easier to get up and out of, and it lets the guys sleep uninterrupted in the bedroom. And once baby and I are back in the family bedroom, I can just lift out the carrier and come out into the living room if baby is awake and/or fussy. I also like that if we stay over somewhere, we can just take the carrier part for baby to sleep in. Which, after the last hotel we stayed in unexpectedly, due to inclement weather, provided a dirty playpen as a 'crib', is effin important.

We won't need a crib. Liam got gifted a toddler bed, so new baby can have the crib eventually. We just need a mattress for it. Once Liam outgrows the toddler bed, little baby can have that, and then the crib converts into a full size bed for Liam, so we'll just need a mattress again. So our only bed purchases for these kids will be 1 crib mattress, 1 full mattress, and then a twin bed when little baby is big enough to need one. And we likely won't need to actually buy any of that. We have enough family that will at some point be getting rid of any of those things.

We're getting an infant carrier carseat. We only used Liam's for a couple of months and then went with a convertible style because we found the carrier one cumbersome and awkward. Putting him in a sling or whatever was much easier. With two kids, a sling may not always be an option. Bending over = baby hits the floor. Plus we're having this one in winter as well and who knows if this winter will be as mild as the last. We're planning on getting one of those fleece carseat cover things (Snuggle Me I think they're called) in lieu of a snow suit. Dealing with Liam in a snow suit was a disaster last year.We still have his, and we'll always keep it in the car with us, just in case, but with those fleece things, we won't really need it much. I'm pretty sure baby won't freeze on the 30 second walk into the store or grandma's house. I refuse to buy car seats pre-owned because you just never know the history of them. BTW, completely unrelated, our grocery store has 6 or 7 parking spots right up by the store doors specifically for "Parents with Children". How cool is that?

Clothes will all be yard sale and thrift store finds. We did pretty much the same thing with Liam. Most of the new stuff he got was either bought by other people or found on clearance if new. He completely skipped the 3-6month size, so we'll buy as we need as much as we can with this one. This summer I'll be doing probably $100/month for yard sale stuff. If I don't use all that, we'll just bank the extra.

Nursing pillow. I may buy this used, but I want to go to the store and try some out to see what I like best. I'm too fat to wear the Boppy one comfortably, but there are so many other options. So we'll see.

Things I'm going to be on the lookout for, and specifically want to buy used:
Double stroller
Portable high chair (we have one for Liam but I want one that can be used for an infant too)
Swing like the one we had for Liam. The seat was a detachable bouncer chair. Definitely a space saver. I got his used and the motor eventually died. But we certainly got our $40 out of it.
Swaddle Me blankets for swaddling. So much easier than the receiving blanket method.

So, maybe $300 worth of stuff? Less if I can find most of this stuff at yard sales and the like. If we have another boy, we won't even need clothes because I've been sending all Liam's outgrown stuff to my sister, and I can just get things back as her little guy outgrows them.

School. Classes are good. Easier than expected. Yay! I'm planning to do the fall term but prearrange extensions with my instructors since I'm due a week prior to courses ending and I'll likely not go full term.


Life as a whole is great right now. I'm still having some issues. Mostly with controlling anger. Not that I'm beating my kid or husband or anything. I just seethe sometimes and it's unhealthy. I'm looking into therapy. I have 3 free sessions through the EAP Seth gets at work, but I want to budget for weekly sessions and we're a little ways from being able to spend the $400/month on that since our insurance doesn't cover it. But, with the weather and noticing these cool things about Liam, and our finances getting better... the depression is lifting. Thankfully. There's been a few times I've considered being hospitalized. I'm not suicidal or anything. It's just not fair to bring my family on the depression trip with me. They don't deserve it.

Well, that's all from me. :-)

I'm lonely

I was trying to think of a quirky title for this post, but what it really boils down to is simple: I'm lonely. And frustrated. I just keep trying to remind myself that starting next month, I have my own gas/trip budget. I can use it to go see my mom or friends, or take Liam into town for ice cream and a stroll. I just.... I feel unattractive. Not in a physical sense. I just remember the years when I had more friends than I had time for, more of a social life than any other aspect of my life. I feel like being a stay at home mommy of one, pregnant, budgeted to the dollar, and quirky is making me unapproachable. Add in some social anxiety... I should just adopt 25 cats and be done with it. Sigh.

I don't blame my marriage or motherhood for the lack of social contact. I blame me. Prior to having Liam, I had a job that kept me in contact with a ton of people. Mostly college students, but it was fun all the same. Since then, my friends have dwindled to the point that my last 'in real life' friend is moving across the country. I have been trying to make new friends here, and I've started becoming friends with one mother with a son close to Liam's age. But, she works like a normal person, and getting our schedules to match up won't be nearly as frequent as I would like. I'm becoming my mother... striking up conversations with people at the grocery store. Anything to get some adult interaction. I really need to find some like-minded mamas in my area. Which is not impossible, but does require more effort than I'm used to putting forth. And that's scary. Putting myself out there.

My hopes:
to meet people at the farm when we go to pick up our CSA
to be more outgoing and actually talk to people when we're out
to be overjoyed when the little man and I can have real conversations and he can tell me he wants to go have pizza or go for a walk or to the park
to rekindle the friendship I had with my husband

That last one is the big one. When we first got together, we really only hung out with each other. And we had a freakin blast, all the time. I miss that. We just need to adjust it to include the +1.5 kids. I miss the fun, and there's no reason we're not still there.

My other hope.... is to find a church I feel comfortable going to. I'm not a crazy uber Christian.. and I'm actually terrified of Jesus freaks. I believe, in God. I believe, in following the Bible as I interpret it- not how some pastor or priest interprets it. The most widely used bible version is a version that King James had specifically edited to fit his moral compass. To me, that doesn't make it bad- just not something to take as the all knowing word of God. It's a guide and storybook. A guide to help a person on their own personal path. I need a path.

Off topic like crrrrazy, lol. I need a sense of belonging. And where better to find that than with others looking for the same thing.

Frustration

I swear on my life lately, if this child isn't asleep, he's whining. Non effin stop. From the time he gets up until he goes to bed. He's not teething. he's eating well. Growing fine. Getting enough sleep. Getting enough love, cuddles, toys, outside time, visits to family, car rides and trips to places. Doesn't matter. Just whinewhinewhine. Toys are no fun- the garbage and hot stove are great fun. God forbid he can't slam his little angry fists on my keyboard. God forbid he is told no. If this is that phase known as 'terrible twos', then I have got my shaky hands full. I guess I just don't understand the issue.... if there even is one.

We try to make sure he actually doesn't need something. I run the gamut of options in the form of yes/no questions. Eat? Tired? Milk? Toy? Cuddle? Book? Bath? Anything I can possibly think of to make him happy... and nothing. Just more whining. It's definitely the most frustrating time we've had so far. Colic was a cake walk compared to this crap. It just seems like as long as can bang on my laptop, tear the pantry apart, fuck with the stove, and annoy the cat- he's happy. Outside of that? No.

I've had about enough of the morning sickness... particularly when he comes right when I'm ready to sit down and do some homework or go to bed. Coupled with the exhaustion, my house is groooosssss. I'm just too tired to deal. I'm actually going to ask the obstetrician about chronic fatigue syndrome or something because this tiredness is so far beyond what I had last time. I'm literally curled up on the couch fighting to stay awake 10 minutes after Seth has left for the day. And that lasts until I can finally crawl into bed. It's like I'm on this constant loop of not sleeping, even though I'm sleeping more than enough. I don't know... this pregnancy, while so beautiful, sucks. Big time.

I'm just frustrated today. Sigh....

Changes Around The Thrifty House

I was going to separate this post into a couple different ones, but I decided not to- because they all stem from the same goal: providing the best life possible for my child(ren). So, here's the changes we're undertaking.  


1. Vehicle

We're sick of spending $6/day in gas alone for my husband's commute. We're sick of the frequent mileage based maintenance on our vehicle (oil change, tires, brakes). I'm sick of not being able to go to the doctor, visit my mother, grocery shop, etc. without a coordinated effort and squeezing my errands into the hours my husband works. So, he got a bus pass. Just a one month one to start. What will that one month pass save us? Here's what I figured: He'll work 16 days before the monthly pass expires, at which time we'll be buying a full year pass, and I'll show those figures too. I'm only including our fuel prices, and basing it on the $4/gallon the price of gas is currently hovering at. There are approximately 260 working days in a year.

Driving   Bussing
$6/day    $3.75/day w/monthly pass
$6/day    $1.73/day w/yearly pass     Savings of $4.27/day, or $1,110/year !

And that is only if he uses it specifically to commute to work. Each trip into town to the grocery store and back costs us about $5. We're planning on having him catch the bus into town on Saturdays to buy groceries. Why? Because his bus pass covers unlimited rides. If we take the car once a month, and he catch the bus on the opposite bi-weekly shopping day, we're saving another $65/year in fuel alone. If I get a per ride pass (15 rides or whatever), we can actually use the bus to go into town. I'm not sold on this idea because I know the amount of crap I have to cart around to begin with, and then we add a grumpy toddler to the mix. And waiting to catch a bus home.

2. Groceries

Speaking of food.... I have made the decision to increase our grocery budget by $100 monthly.  Why? Because, basically, we eat like crap a lot. Having about $225/month for food for 2 adults and a growing toddler is just stretching tighter than I like. We're buying subpar foods in the name of frugality- and our nutrition and desire to eat the best foods are suffering. I am fine with buying the store brand items. In fact, our local chain (Wegmans) prides itself on having it's store brand be of better quality than the national brands. They utilize local products as much as possible, and keep everything they sell at a fair price. We'll also be buying food that has no chemical manipulation at all. If the bread has more than wheat, yeast, sugar, salt, butter, milk, and other ingredients I keep in my house in it, we don't want it. We want local, hearty, beautiful bread- made by the hands of the baker I was greeted by.

So, what are we doing, and why?

I am committing to only feeding my family local, organic produce. Local, grass-fed livestock. Locally produced dairy products. Free-range chicken and eggs- purchased from a farm where I can physically see the chickens and how they are cared for. I want to know where my food comes from, how it is made, the people who make it.

CSA: We're joining a CSA at a farm near us. Every Friday, the little one and I will go. One side of the barn, you fill up about the content size of a paper grocery sack with whatever you want. On the other side, take as much of whatever you want. And the fields are u-pick, take as much of anything you want. The cost is about $22/month. For ALL of the produce we can stuff ourselves with.

Out of season / non-local: To supplement and get things that may be out of season, or unable to grow locally (oranges, tropical fruits, bananas, and so on), we'll utilize Wegmans. Their organic produce is generally only prices 20-30 cents more than the non-organic stuff.

Garden: The landlord finally put our raised beds in. We'll be growing mainly salsa veggies: tomatoes, onions, cilantro, peppers, and so on. I'm also going to try out growing some peas and beans. We want things we can water bath can. I am considering doing pickle cukes instead of the peas and beans since freezer space here is so limited and you need a pressure canner for beans.


Meat/dairy: For the short term, we'll be buying our meat and dairy at the local grocery stores. They do pride themselves on carrying local products. When they reopen for 'normal' groceries, we'll be using a grocery delivery services that actually works specifically, and only, with local vendors of meat, veg, cheese, dairy, and so on. The cost? A $5 delivery fee! That is IT over the retail cost I'd pay by schlepping my fat, pregnant ass all over town to find this stuff. So I'm actually saving money on gas and stuff. Additionally, I'm tired of being a participant in factory farming. I DO believe meat is essential to my dietary needs. But that doesn't mean I can't make sure the animals I eat are respected and have great lives before they are sacrificed to feed me. We owe it to the food we eat to respect it, and the environment it is grown in.

So, CSA: $22. Supplemental produce: $30ish. Meat/dairy: $100-150. Pantry: $75-100. 

Cooking: I'll be changing how I cook. We're going to be a 50/25/25 family. 50% veg, 25% protein, 25% dairy/starch. I want our dinner plates to hold our salads and our salad plates to hold our meat and other things. Now, that being said, I am AAAAALLLL for lasagna night. Burger night. Pizza once a month. I'm not going to deprive us of some of the things we're used to. BUT, my goal is to learn to cook the ingredients we have on hand, and make delicious meals, and change how we look at food. Food should be delicious, nutritious, sustainable... and damn it, I should know exactly what the ingredients are!
We decided that when we do decide to eat out, we'll go to the Marketplace @ Wegmans. It's actually more expensive than any other option. However, it is food from around the world, prepared beautifully by staff in store. We can have a slice of pizza and an egg roll if we want. Or try the vegetarian bar and then have some soup. Sub and salad? Sure! Sushi then fruit salad? Why not? Chinese and a burger? You betchya! Everything aside from pizza and subs is done by pound, and it's all priced the same. And we are happy to pay a little extra to support such a great business.

3. Pregnancy 
Unknown to me, I have full blown diabetes. Apparently, having a baby, developing post partum depression, and eating nothing but candy and carbs for 16 months, will really eff up your system. Upon finding out, I've immediately cut the carbs and made better food choices. and guess what? My glucose numbers are well within normal range. So now, when I want to drown my sorrows in a Whopper from Burger King, I just need to throw the bun away. ;-)
Other than that, we're good. We have a Level 2 ultrasound in a few weeks, just to make sure everything is ok. We'll actually likely know the gender of the baby since the scan is so in depth. But we're not telling anyone until August.

So, that's it. I start classes again tomorrow...ugh!

TED Talk: Jamie Oliver

Holdable 5 minute LC Skillet Pizza

I'll get photos added the next time I make this, I promise.

Ingredients:
2 eggs
1/3-1/2 c. plus 1/3c. shredded cheese (pizza blend)
pizza spices (I used a preblended shaker)
pizza sauce
toppings

1. Combine eggs with 1/3-1/2c. cheese. Add spices. I find a little pizza spice, garlic powder, and oregano to be wonderful.

2. Dump into preheated frying pan over medium heat. For this recipe, you really need a good nonstick pan. Feel free to spray with Pam or melt a little butter before hand. Cook this until the bottom is browned and the top is mostly set. Then, slip a wide flipper (spatula, pancake turner, whatever term you like) underneath and flip the whole thing over.

3. While the top is on the bottom cooking, top your pizza. Sauce, cheese, any toppings you want. Go light on the sauce or the final step will be a little difficult.

4. You can do this last step one of three ways. If your toppings are precooked, just put a lid or foil over the top until the cheese melts. This is a great place to use up cooked veggies, those last few pepperoni chips, what have you.
If you're like me, you like your cheese a little browned and your pepperonis crispy. Sooo, flip the entire pizza again- so your toppings are now on the bottom. Let sit for 2-3 minutes, then invert a plate over the pan and flip the entire thing back over.
The third option is to just cook the crust this way, then assemble the pizza on a cookie sheet and bake or broil until your toppings are how you want them.

I found this to be the most realistic taste and textured low carb pizza crust. You can slice it and actually pick the slices up. Fold 'em if you want- it holds. And it's so easy, requires mimimal dishes, and can be done fully in a skillet in about 5 minutes.

Veganism

I recently cut ties with my sister. Not because she's vegan, but because she's vegan because the monthly boyfriend is vegan. And the way she presents herself. She literally feels she is better than everyone else because she doesn't ingest animal products. And has gone so far as to proclaim that she can't understand how someone ignorant enough to consume flesh can work a computer, among other wonderful things. Nevermind that literally everything we have in our life causes the death of an animal in one form or another. It is completely lunacy to condemn others for their eating habits, while still utilizing products and services that cause the death of an animal. For example, electricity. most electricity is made by burning fossil fuels, which pollutes the food and habitats of animals, causing death. Farming (veg, tobacco, cotton, etc.) causes deforestation and loss of habitat, leading to animal death. Pollutants for using vehicles, causes animal deaths. Pesticides, housing being built, new roads, factories, most products, most foods... the list could go on forever. I have no problem with veganism. None. I DO have a problem with anyone who claims they are a vegan for the sake of animals, but then uses products or services that also cause painful death. Ever starved to death? Probably not, but that is exactly what happens to many animals due to loss of habitat. How about being poisoned to death? No? Plenty of animals are. Just because it's not a cow or pig or chicken doesn't mean it's not important... but I know the vegans in my life seem to forget about rabbits, deer, beavers, hedgehogs, etc.

Basically, my point is this.

I believe in being a whole person. Not picking and choosing snippets of a cause. We're each entitled to feel how we feel, and live our lives as we decide best fits us. But please, don't preach me to me that a steak is murder when you poison the air the animals breathe with pollutants spewing from hair products, pesticides, and vehicle tail pipes, or smoke cigarettes with tobacco grown in fields that kill animals by removing their natural habitat.
You may not eat flesh, but you're as much a murderer of animals as I am, just in a way that you somehow can justify and feel good about in your self-important, lunatic mind. So have fun with your cigarettes, gasoline, imported foods, and pretty much every product you use that directly causes the killing of animals through deforestation and other means. Don't feed me the righteous "I'm soooo freakin' vegan! Yay me!" bullshit because you've decided you're on an existence higher than that of someone else purely because you choose to ignore the fact that they way you live also makes you a murderer of animals. It is not being a "hippy" to recognize the negative mark you make on the lives of the animals you so righteously claim to love.

Until your vehicle is a bike, your food organically grown in your own backyard, every product you use proven to not have at any point caused deforestation or air pollution, and you've given up electricity (as most electricity is formed by burning fossil fuels, which = pollutants), FUCK YOURSELF. Harming an animal is harming an animal, whether you chew it or not. You're a fucking hypocrite to knowingly cause an animal death but then condemn others for doing the EXACT SAME THING in a different way.

/rant 

Again, I support veganism. I do. It's not for me, but it's not for me to judge. My issue is with self righteous behavior stemming from picking and choosing snippets of a cause, and them condemning others for not feeling the same way.