Sometimes...

18 days until I'm due. I hadn't realized we were so close until I opened up an app I've been using to track my pregnancy. I have no clue if we'll make it that far. I'd like to, but I'm already past the point where I had Liam. So this is all new to me. I'm assuming it's pretty much going to stay the same, except with more whining from me about how massively huge I am. ;-) And I am massively huge, lol.

See?

My sister was so nice and asked me if I was sure I wasn't having twins. Mean devil woman. Not all of us have those perfect little round basketball bumps that magically go flat after birth to the point no one would know we were even pregnant unless we said so, Jennifer! I still was carrying my bump from Liam's pregnancy when I got pregnant with this one. ;-) Seriously. With no weight gain, and a loss of over 30lbs, I was still in maternity shirts before I hit 12 weeks.

We decided that we're done having babies for a while. Probably until these two are in school. With the issues I've had with both pregnancies, I want to be as healthy as possible before we do this again. 5 years seems like plenty of time to get my butt in shape and my health where it needs to be. Then we'll do our "two under 2" again. :-)

So, enough with the rambling and onto the meat and potatoes of this post.

This where the post gets cute and barfy, lol. Blame my hormones, or skip the rest if you're not in the mood for some mush.

Sometimes I am a raving lunatic. And that can last for days, weeks, or months, depending on what level of depression has taken over. It is something that has been getting progressively better, but is exhausting, takes a lot of work, and wouldn't be a remote possibility if I were trying to cope and heal all  on my own. Thankfully, I have this man:

There he is with barely a day old Liam. And this is singly my most favorite photo of my husband. 

Anyway. We've been together for just a few days over 3 1/2 years. And through that, he has put up with so much. My struggles with depression and a few other emotional difficulties. My crazy ass family. Financial difficulties. Marital issues. Infertility. Crazy pregnant wife. Sleepless nights with a colicky newborn. And all the fun that comes along with a growing toddler and sometimes emotionally unstable wife.

And somehow, he chose to stick by me through it all. No matter what, he's been there. Even when I gave him plenty of reason to not be. There have been plenty of times he could have left. And should have. The last month or so though.. Wow. We've just come together in this amazing slow dance. I feel like our life has been completely filled with the most beautiful light. We're on the same page most of the time, able to really talk about things, and just.. perfect.

I'm not naive enough to think we'll never have another argument, or never want to walk away. It happens in every marriage. But I do know that we have love. Real, true love. And we'll be able to handle whatever comes at us, because we're both active and willing participants to fight to the death for this. The moment that changes, it's all over for us. Something so special only works when both parties want it this badly.

Sometimes I wonder why he loves me. And then I realize that the 'why' isn't so important. What's important is that he does.. and that is the most special feeling in the world for me. To be loved to this extent by someone so amazing. A fantastic husband, great dad, wonderful provider. He's kind, funny, nerdy... and so so beautiful. He is why I believe in fairy tales, love at first sight, and eternity. There's no way loving someone like this can't exist forever somehow. 

Anyway, there's my mush, lol. And Seth, if you're reading this, know that I love you. From the moment I saw you for the first time, until the universe collapses in on itself. You're everything... and then some.

:-)