The Jacobs Go Veg! (kinda)

This post gets a little bit preachy, a little bit judgy, and a whole lot bitchy. Just warning ya!


I have decided to make a lifestyle change. Beginning this next Monday, I will no longer be consuming meat. From there on, I will begin slowly phasing out all dairy products.

Why?

It's simple. I cannot preach to be an advocate for abused animals while choosing to consume them. There is NO difference between eating a cow and eating a cat or dog. I don't see myself serving up our cat any time soon, so why should I be ok with serving up a steak or piece of chicken? I just can't deny the walking contradiction I've become as far as things like that go. For a long time, I have justified the use of animals for food because it's a cheap protein. Both chicken breasts and ground beef are $1.99/lb where I shop. But then it occurred to me, alternative sources of protein, especially in bulk, are far cheaper. So my financial reasoning didn't make sense.

Taste? Sure, ok. Not much beats a flame grilled burger, or homemade buffalo chicken bites.. Well, except my kickass black bean or chickpea burgers, and seitan buffalo bites. And the list goes and goes. Every dish I LOVE involving meat, can be done cheaper, healthier, and more economically than the meat based alternatives. Hell, I actually prefer my ground beef dishes to be done with at least 50% lentils!

Here's the thing. A lot of people in my life are up on their "free range" "organic" "humanely treated" meat pedestals. You do know that's complete bullshit, right? Your organic free range chickens have their bodies stuffed upside down into tubes and their throats slit. Does it really matter they they spent their days being 'free range' in a cramped barn yard? Just because you pay $8/lb for them doesn't make it ok. You're simply sending the message to the grocery store and farm that it's ok, and you'll pay more for that. For 28 years, I've been right there with you. Every excuse in the book. It's fast. They die quickly. They're not pets, they're food. Except.. in a lot of ways, chickens are mentally like dogs- only smarter! They can be awesome house pets, and I actually plan on having some chickens as pets when we purchase a home. They help keep the vermin down in the lawn.

Free range chickens prepared for slaughter

Your "cage free" eggs. Those chicken are packed into barns without room to move, and are MORE likely to be debeaked because the stress of the cramped quarters minus the cages means they are pecking the shit out of each other from the stress. I can't keep my eyes closed to this anymore. I simply can't. And until you've toured the farm you're getting your eggs and chicken from, perhaps you should rethink the 'cage free' and free range labels on your food.

Cage Free Egg Farm

Your milk- organic or not- is the same. The female cow is forcefully impregnated. When the calf is born, it is taken away from the mother immediately, so that you can drink her breast milk. MMMMmm. Bovine breast milk. And if the baby cow is female, she's raised to repeat the process. If the baby cow is male, he's either chained up and slaughtered for veal, or fed garbage for a year or so, then slaughtered. Isn't that lovely?

And here's the thing. We have NO nutritional need for milk. NONE. Everything you can get from a glass of another animal's breast milk can be found in other foods- without the rape and slaughter of animals. We're ingrained to think we need milk, and need flesh, to have a balanced diet. Nope. It's bullshit.

Here's some great information if you're interested in the myths surrounding humane farming: http://woodstocksanctuary.org/learn/the-humane-farming-myth/

Now, I don't expect everyone to make the same choice I have. Unlike my sister, who I do love, I won't ever be the type to condemn others for turning a blind eye to animal cruelty. Is it wrong? Yes. Unfortunately, we live in a society that condones it. And for more than half of my expected life span, so have I. So the only thing I can do is share information and make choices within my own family.

So, around here. Liam doesn't care about eating meat or not. So that's easy. He'll be weaned off bovine milk by using hemp, almond, and coconut milk. i refuse to use soy products in my home, so soy milk is not an option. Haven will never be introduced to those things. Seth can eat whatever he wants. I do most of the cooking, and he's never complained about meat-free meals when I've done them for financial reasons, so no big deal. If he specifically requests meat, I'll cook it for him, or he can cook it. This house is democratic. I would never try to force my spouse into doing something. And when the kids are offered meat by him, he has the right as their father to do that.

I do need to maintain a controlled carb diet. So my sister will be helping me adapt recipes and foods to fit my nutritional needs, while balancing that with the meals we love to eat. It's a big change, especially right now. But one I feel confident in.

The New Year

I'm mostly writing this post today because I'm having a bout with false labor and I'm irritated by it. Keeping my brain busy will take my mind off other stuff. And a lot of the blogs I read are starting to post about debt elimination, new year resolutions, and lifestyle changes. All positive, all inspiring.

So, what will the new year bring us? A new baby. A new outlook. A new budget.

Right now, we spend about $450 making minimum payments on credit cards. That doesn't include the car payment and cell phones. We are expecting a decent sized tax return this year- so we'll be using it to eliminate as many of the credit cards as we can so that we can apply more money to finish paying them off. From there, we will begin aggressively paying down our car until it is also paid off. Lastly, we'll be switching to Straight Talk for our cell phones- which will save us about $80/month.

So, how will we stick to it? Well, we do plan to keep 4 of the cards open. Two large ones and two small ones. The large ones will be kept at Seth's office as they will hold as our emergency fund. Meaning, the car breaks down, our house burns down, REAL emergencies. The two smaller ones consist of one card in either of our names. Those will be used for specific expenses, as well as shopping. They both offer rewards and such, and only let us get into trouble up to x number of dollars. And we will decline ANY limit increases. ;-) They will each be paid off, in full, every month. The rest will be cut up, paid off, and closed. The only sure way to stop using credit cards is to no longer have the accounts.

When we build up emergency savings in the amounts of the larger cards, they will too be closed. The smaller ones will only remain because many places like hotels, car rentals, etc. won't accept a debit card- and we like to travel. But again, they'll be paid off monthly. I trust us to that extent.

We're just done. Thank God we're as young as we are and realizing our many mistakes. By the time the kids are school age, we should be debt free, and own a paid in cash home. So every bit of it is worth it, and we're both willing to make the sacrifices necessary to do it- whatever the cost. I think that's where my confidence in it comes from. Same goal, same drive to make it happen.

Right now, my plan is to finish this last few courses as fast as possible, and generate some money from home. Next week I'll be listing ALL my maternity clothes on ebay. I don't wear most of them, and the few things I do wear won't matter soon anyway. I believe I have about $200 worth. After that, its on to selling off the mountain of clothes and purses I have. Most of it goes unworn, some still with tags. I only wear about a dozen pieces total. And I literally have a closet and about 3-4 totes and boxes full of clothes. To me, it's all clutter and needs to go. So it will.

I LOVE being in purge mode. Ha!

Sometimes...

18 days until I'm due. I hadn't realized we were so close until I opened up an app I've been using to track my pregnancy. I have no clue if we'll make it that far. I'd like to, but I'm already past the point where I had Liam. So this is all new to me. I'm assuming it's pretty much going to stay the same, except with more whining from me about how massively huge I am. ;-) And I am massively huge, lol.

See?

My sister was so nice and asked me if I was sure I wasn't having twins. Mean devil woman. Not all of us have those perfect little round basketball bumps that magically go flat after birth to the point no one would know we were even pregnant unless we said so, Jennifer! I still was carrying my bump from Liam's pregnancy when I got pregnant with this one. ;-) Seriously. With no weight gain, and a loss of over 30lbs, I was still in maternity shirts before I hit 12 weeks.

We decided that we're done having babies for a while. Probably until these two are in school. With the issues I've had with both pregnancies, I want to be as healthy as possible before we do this again. 5 years seems like plenty of time to get my butt in shape and my health where it needs to be. Then we'll do our "two under 2" again. :-)

So, enough with the rambling and onto the meat and potatoes of this post.

This where the post gets cute and barfy, lol. Blame my hormones, or skip the rest if you're not in the mood for some mush.

Sometimes I am a raving lunatic. And that can last for days, weeks, or months, depending on what level of depression has taken over. It is something that has been getting progressively better, but is exhausting, takes a lot of work, and wouldn't be a remote possibility if I were trying to cope and heal all  on my own. Thankfully, I have this man:

There he is with barely a day old Liam. And this is singly my most favorite photo of my husband. 

Anyway. We've been together for just a few days over 3 1/2 years. And through that, he has put up with so much. My struggles with depression and a few other emotional difficulties. My crazy ass family. Financial difficulties. Marital issues. Infertility. Crazy pregnant wife. Sleepless nights with a colicky newborn. And all the fun that comes along with a growing toddler and sometimes emotionally unstable wife.

And somehow, he chose to stick by me through it all. No matter what, he's been there. Even when I gave him plenty of reason to not be. There have been plenty of times he could have left. And should have. The last month or so though.. Wow. We've just come together in this amazing slow dance. I feel like our life has been completely filled with the most beautiful light. We're on the same page most of the time, able to really talk about things, and just.. perfect.

I'm not naive enough to think we'll never have another argument, or never want to walk away. It happens in every marriage. But I do know that we have love. Real, true love. And we'll be able to handle whatever comes at us, because we're both active and willing participants to fight to the death for this. The moment that changes, it's all over for us. Something so special only works when both parties want it this badly.

Sometimes I wonder why he loves me. And then I realize that the 'why' isn't so important. What's important is that he does.. and that is the most special feeling in the world for me. To be loved to this extent by someone so amazing. A fantastic husband, great dad, wonderful provider. He's kind, funny, nerdy... and so so beautiful. He is why I believe in fairy tales, love at first sight, and eternity. There's no way loving someone like this can't exist forever somehow. 

Anyway, there's my mush, lol. And Seth, if you're reading this, know that I love you. From the moment I saw you for the first time, until the universe collapses in on itself. You're everything... and then some.

:-)

Almost there...

Our Thanksgiving was really nice. :-) Small, intimate, just my parents, us, my siblings, and my nieces and nephew. We laughed, made food, and just enjoyed our time together.

The day began with a beautiful sunrise. Mornings like that remind me just how beautiful life can be, and how blessed I am to wake up every day knowing I am loved, cherished, and will be forever. 

During the festivities, Liam got completely filthy, as little boys should. He played, and ran, and visited with his cousins. He's closer in age to our freshly year old nephew than the older girls (who already find little kids annoying), so he played big cousin and helped keep little Remy occupied while the mommies cooked.

We finally got a decent photo of Seth and I, though as usual, he looks less than thrilled to get his photo taken. Which is such a shame, because he really does have the most amazing smile I've ever seen. It's what drew me into him, held me, and keeps me waiting to see him smile now. So, goal for Haven's birth- get my sexy man to smile in a photo or two. ;-)

I have about 20 days until my due date. But I'm fairly certain my little guy will make his entrance sooner. I'm having more frequent contraction episodes, and will need to discuss induction on Wednesday with my OB. It's not so much  medical necessity at this point. I'm normally against inductions for non-medical reasons. However, our child care plans for Liam involve my mother in law coming- and she lives over 2 hours away. Then the hospital is another 65 miles in the opposite direction. So, let's say my water breaks and we call her. Depending on where she is and the time of day, it could be an hour or better before she can head this way, 2 hours for her to arrive, then 90 minutes for us to drive to the hospital. And that's if the weather is perfect, roads dry and clear. Bad weather? We're screwed. She can't leave work? Equally screwed. 

My mom could head down in an emergency- but even then it'd be 3-4 hours before she could get here. So that leaves us, what, taking Liam with us? I suppose that's the only option in an emergency, but something I'd like to avoid if possible. Option 2- leaving them home and delivering Haven. By myself. Alone in the hospital. Yeah, no thanks. So, I'm going against myself and seeing if they'd be open to induction. Because outside of that, my last resort is to deliver locally and pray that Haven's blood glucose levels don't require him to be air lifted to a hospital with a NICU- without his mommy.

All else is great here. :-)

Thankful

The thing I am most thankful for this year is a so far uneventful pregnancy. I can only hope the next 26 days or so go just as smoothly. I get so excited watching him move around, and scared at the same time. A couple women on a birth board forum I'm on have had late pregnancy losses, and that scares the shit out of me. All I can do is the kick counts and stay positive. :-)

I'm still not at all nervous about anything having to do with taking care of both kids. Liam, despite diving head first into the terrible 2's, is pretty independent, loves babies, and is not a hard kid at all. I'm barely sleeping 5 or 6 hours a night, and am generally laying awake for at least a couple hours anyway. I am thankful that the support of my family makes me feel secure that we can reach out for help if we need it.

I am especially thankful today for my husband. For reasons too numerous to even describe here. Condensed version: he's amazing. Supportive. Kind. Tolerant of my hormonal craziness.

So, our Thanksgiving plan is fairly simple. A few family members are coming down and we're using the meeting house here to host dinner. My mom is bring the dinner rolls, dessert, scalloped corn (which I will eat myself into a coma on), and green bean casserole. We'll be making everything else.

That's it from this end. Enjoy your week, and holiday!

35/36 Weeks

Tomorrow, I start my 36th week of pregnancy. That means, if I am allowed to naturally go into labor, I likely have 5-6 weeks left of pregnancy. If I end up needing to be induced, it would be in 2-3 weeks. I cannot even imagine holding my little baby boy 2-3 weeks from now! We have the bassinet, the clothes, etc, but this pregnancy has gone by so quickly that it's still not hit me that I'M HAVING A BABY.

The weeks dating is still pissing me off, lol. If We're IN November, we're in the 11th month. If I'm in the 36th week of pregnancy, I consider myself 36 weeks. Apparently, I'm not 36 weeks until the week is over? But I'm 8 months when I'm in the 8th month, not after. So whatever. The world says I'm 35 weeks, 0 days tomorrow. I say 36 weeks, and screw 'em.

My biggest concern is Liam. Irrational concern, by the way. I have some fear that he'll grow up all fucked up because he didn't get enough attention when I had Haven. Silly, isn't it? People have been having more than one child forever. And (most) older siblings grow up just fine.

I'm not worried about sleepless nights. Liam has me up around 3:30am most days, and never sleeps later than 5:30-6 for some unknown reason. Time change? Maybe. But it started prior to that. He just wants to be up. And I'm having insomnia like crazy. Sleep from 8 to 10, up to pee, sleep until 12, up to pee, wide awake around 1:30, fight until 3 or so to go back to sleep, up with Liam at 3:30, sleep until he gets up. So it's not like I'm sleeping well! Maybe 4-5 hours a night?

I'm not worried about Seth and I. We're good. My concern about PPD will be carefully monitored by my OB, who have been made fully aware that my last bout with PPD resulted in some major issues.

One thing I am going to need to seek counseling for is this paranoia. I had it while pregnant with Liam, and it's back. It's the fear of my children being kidnapped, sexually abused, etc. Not being able to protect them. It is terrifying. While pregnant the last time, and up until Liam was probably 8 or 9 months old, I slept with a knife under the mattress. Seth kept finding them. I honestly had no recollection of putting them there, but knew that I had. I haven't gone to that extreme this time, but I have considered buying a baseball bat, and applying for a handgun permit. I realize it's crazy. I do. But when 75% of my college education has been based in kids with various issues and how they got that way, you begin to see how prevalent abuse actually is within our society. I don't want my children to be a statistic. And if that means buying a gun so I feel like I can protect them from an intruder who means us or them harm, so be it. I have NO hesitation in shooting someone who enters my home uninvited. None. For me, our desire to live in a rural area cements my defensive weapon goal even more.

End crazy tangent, lol.

So, I feel pretty rotten. Sore. Fat. Tired. Hormonal. But, it's par for the course really. I don't know anyone who hits this point in their pregnancy and is sad that the end is near, lol. I love being pregnant. I do not like being 8 months pregnant.

Overall, life is pretty ok. I've decided to not pursue my education with the same college. Because, screw them, that's why. I found out that Arizona State University has an online program. I'm applying there. Worst case, some of my credits don't transfer, or I need some different/additional courses. It's better than I'm dealing with now. And tuition is only about $1000/year more than the SUNY school. Seth thinks it's maybe a good idea to wait until the summer term to start, and I agree to a point. School will be hard with a toddler and newborn. However, so will scraping the money together for student loan payments when my deferment runs out. And it has. I have a payment due in December. I'll figure it out, whatever way it goes. :-)

That's it from this end. Don't expect Foodie Pen Pal posts for a couple of months. I've decided to stop doing that until we've established some sort of real routine around here.

34 Weeks

I am 34 weeks pregnant today! 6 weeks until I'm due, but likely only 4 until I deliver. We'll be scheduling my induction at my next appointment in two weeks. It's so crazy to think that before Christmas, which is right around the corner, I'll have my second child.

Here's a photo from my prenatal appointment on Wednesday:

My belly has dropped quite a bit. Which isn ice because I can breathe, but I'm definitely waddling along instead of walking normally. This appointment was ridiculous. I scheduled it for 8am, thinking I'd be in and out. Seth stayed home with Liam, so I left the house around 6:15am. I got there right on time. I had an ultrasound around 8:30, then waited some more. Then they tried to do an NST... after a little over an hour, Haven was simply not wanting to wake up enough, so I had to go back to ultrasound for a biophysical profile. Then more waiting, then seeing a nurse. then the nutritionist, then a nurse again. I finally headed home around NOON!

And I get to do it all over again in two weeks, then two weeks after that, then we start weekly if I haven't been induced by then. What a pain. Before I get pregnant again, I'm getting my ass to a healthy weight and in shape. I never should have gotten pregnant with my weight and health the way they were this time.

So, that's all going on here. I can register for classes on November 6th. I'm doing 2 part time terms for sure, then I'll just need one full time after that to graduate. I'll be so glad when it's over.